What are Jellicles thinking?
by Demeterfan
Summary: My views on what goes on in certain Jellicles' heads. They're quite random and just something I felt like doing so I hope you like them.I'm new so please read and give me advice in reviews.
1. Chapter 1

**AN-Okay,this is my first ever fanfiction and it is just a weird idea I had. They're sort-of half poems, well, they started off poems. They are just a random one-shots about what goes on inside certain Jellicles' heads. Like I said, this is my first ever fanfic so any advice and criticism would be greatly appreciated. Also, I will take requests for which cats people want to be written about in reviews. So, please help me and tell me if my work is abysmal. **

**-Demeterfan**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CATS, they belong to T.S. Elliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber.**

**Victoria's thoughts**

I live in a world of silence.

That's what they all say;

I don't talk to anybody.

I may mouth the words to the Jellicle Ball but not a single note escapes my lips.

The Queens used to try to bribe me,

The Toms used to try to trick me,

The kits badgered me day and night,

But they've stopped now.

Gotten used to it.

Jenny even says she wishes all the kits were as well behaved as me.

She wouldn't if I told her;

But I won't.

I won't break my silence.

I wasn't always like this;

In fact, he used to say I talked too much.

Adonis...

He was my mate;

I knew he was my soulmate, even at my young age.

We were inseparable.

Perfect for each other.

But Adonis made rash decisions, especially where I was concerned...

McCavity attacked the junkyard;

He had me and Etcetera cornered.

Adonis knew that he'd meet his peril as he flew at McCavity.

Adonis made himself a distraction,gave me and Etcetera time to run.

"I love you, Vicky!" he'd yelled, as McCavity drew out his claws, "I love you!"

I couldn't even cry.

Adonis was gone; he'd sacrificed himself for me.

It was my fault.

Ever since then, I haven't said a word;

What is there to say?

Sometimes, I wish I could trust someone enough to talk to them.

I wish someone would understand.

But I'm not ready to talk about Adonis yet;

I don't know if I ever will be.

I live in a world of silence.

Everyone's got used to it now;

It's about time I did, too.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN- Okay, this is Munkustrap's inner thoughts and feelings. Please keep reviewing me as I need all the help I can get. **

**-Demeterfan**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CATS, they belong to T. and Andrew Lloyd Webber.**

**Munkustap's thoughts**

They don't understand;

They don't know how much it hurts,

Even Tugger; he was too young to remember what he was like.

I have two brothers,

One of them is Tugger,

The other is unmentionable,

Unspeakable,

Unthinkable;

My brother is McCavity.

They don't know how hard it is;

To look at the Tom who had once curled up beside you and the try to claw his eyes out.

He wasn't always bad either;

That's the worst part.

After our mother was killed by Pollicles he only stole to feed me and Tugger.

But McCavity tried to get Tugger to join in, insisting his small size would keep him safe and out of sight.

I wasn't having that.

I took Tugger off to the Jellicle junkyard, making sure I left McCavity out of my plans.

No one ever says so, but they all know it's my fault McCavity attacks the 'yard.

Sometimes, I still catch the hurt in his eyes when I fight him,

I see it, and all I want to do is embrace him and tell him I'm sorry...

But I can't.

I'm the leader, I have to protect the tribe.

I have to listen to them talk about him:

"McCavity's a disgrace!"

"McCavity's terrible!"

"McCavity's evil!"

And all I want to do is shake them and yell "He's not all bad!"

But, of course, I can't.

I can't show them I still care.

They sense it anyway;

Give me sideways glances, like they heard the vile insults I have to bite my tongue to keep inside.

They don't understand;

They can't understand.

McCavity is my brother,

He'll always be my brother,

But only in my mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN- Alonzo's turn now! Please keep reviewing to help me improve.**

**-Demeterfan**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CATS, they belong to T. and Andrew Lloyd Webber.**

**Alonzo's Thoughts**

I love him.

What else is there to say?

I could ramble on for an age but I don't need to,

It's all summed up in those three, little words:

I love him.

I know for a fact he doesn't love me back.

For starters, he isn't gay;

He has a Queenfriend;

He's my best friend.

Have you guessed who it is yet?

It's Munkustrap.

I love Munkustrap.

I dreamt about him one night;

I thought it was no big deal,

But I started to feel strange when I looked at him:

Lust...

I've never felt like this before.

It's just like all the humans' stupid songs and soppy poetry;

I can't eat,

I can't sleep,

I can't concentrate on anything except him.

He makes me so happy,

But at the same time, he makes me desperately sad.

Because I know I can never be with him.

When I see him with Demeter, I feel like my heart has been torn out;

He loves her, I can see that.

He always will;

He'll never love me...

I can act,

I can play with the kits,

I can chat to the Queens

I can laugh with the other Toms,

I can pretend.

But it won't be a life without him,

Just an existence.

I know I'll never be happy without him;

So, I'd better get used to being unhappy.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN- This one is about Electra. Contains very mild sexual references, just as a warning. Keep reviewing please.**

**-Demeterfan**

**Electra's thoughts**

Invisible.

That's how anyone would describe me.

They say it pityingly, like it's a shame;

But to me, it's a compliment.

I want to be invisible.

I'm good at it, too;

I don't have noticeable colouring,

I make sure I don't talk too loud,

I keep to myself all the time.

I don't trust anyone,

Not anymore.

The last person I trusted was Jabez and look where that got me.

Jabez is my brother,

My twin.

We used to be joined at the hip when we were kittens;

A team,

Two for the price of one.

We wrecked havoc in the junkyard.

But it got more... complicated as we got older;

Much more complicated.

I sometimes caught Jabez staring at me intently, green eyes gleaming;

I'd always stare back teasingly, but he mistook it for something serious.

Much more serious.

I never caught on;

I can't believe I was so dim.

I nearly had a heart attack when he kissed me;

I gave a little shriek.

"Come on, I know you love me, too." Jabez said.

I tried to wriggle away from him.

"Jabez! I'm your sister!"

There had been hurt in his eyes, then anger;

He'd tried to pin me down.

"You're going to let me love you." Jabez ordered.

I screamed and yelled but Jabez was relentless.

When he'd finished he left me sobbing in a heap on the floor;

"You're disgusting," he said to me, "Your own brother, Electra."

He stormed out of my den;

I never saw him again.

Rumour has it that he's joined McCavity's group.

Jabez was the last person I trusted;

If I can't trust my own brother, my _twin_, how can I trust anyone else?

So, I'll stay invisible, thanks,

I'll stay a wallflower.

I don't trust people anymore;

Trust makes you weak,

Makes you let your guard down;

And I'm not going to let anyone take advantage of me again.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN- This one is about Bombalurina. Contains mild references of birth and death, just in case. I need all the help I can get so please help me by leaving a comment.**

**-Demeterfan**

**Bombalurina's thoughts**

I'm broken.

Broken into tiny pieces.

I feel terrible;

I don't want to live anymore.

And, to think, I was horrified when I first found out about them.

Now they're gone and I'm broken.

Kittens born out of wedlock;

Well, I know the father is one of the Toms in the junkyard, but it could be any of them.

For nine weeks, I shared my body with four little strangers;

I was disgusted, I wanted my freedom again.

I prayed to the Everlasting Cat that I'd lose them but they remained, wiggling about inside me insistently.

Labour pains just increased my hatred;

I thought I was splitting in two.

Demeter held my paw but I barely noticed her.

I shrieked and shouted and swore;

And, one by one, my kittens fell into the world.

Jellylorum tended to them, after I gave birth;

She cleaned them, cut the umbilical cords, all jobs for the father to do.

But I sensed something was wrong;

Why did Jellylorum look so frantic?

Why did Demeter appear so horrified?

Why couldn't I hear any tiny mewling?

I felt weepy and exhausted, but after I gave birth to my last kitten I turned to look at my brood.

They were beautiful;

Four perfect little kittens, so tiny, so delicate.

But they didn't move,

Didn't make a sound,

Didn't breath.

I started screaming again, with fear and anguish this time, instead of pain.

Demeter tried to pull me into her arms but I shook her off irritably.

I gathered the four limp little bodies and nuzzled into their fur;

My screams died into sobs.

I was vaguely aware of Demeter behind me, crying too.

I looked into the faces of my four kittens; three Queens and a Tom;

They were like statues, little mouths gaping, fur fluffy and damp.

I've been broken ever since;

I thought I'd hate them,

Now, I'll never have a chance to love them.

My kittens, the babies I loved and lost in the space of five minuets.

I'm broken;

And it's going to take a lot more than a bit of glue to fix me.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN- This is Demeter's chapter. I'm not really a big fan of this chapter, which is strange as Demeter is my favourite character. So, I hope you enjoy it. Once again, please review and help me get better.**

**-Demeterfan**

**Demeter's thoughts**

I used to love him.

I don't anymore...

Do I?

No!

Not after all he's done;

But they say first love is the deepest...

I used to love McCavity,

Before I lived in the Jellicle junkyard.

We lived with a large group of strays under a bridge, near a beck.

He wasn't evil;

He was sweet to me.

He used to bring me beautiful gifts: jewels, necklaces, fancy products.

It never occurred to me that he wasn't getting them honestly.

That summer, one of the other cats had a kitten,Adara;

She was a lovely kit, and as good as gold too.

One day, Adara had on a beautiful, diamond collar;

She'd got it as a gift from a human who found her.

I ached for that collar, and I talked about it to McCavity.

I never dreamed he would do what he did...

I was so stupid;

I didn't even guess when he presented me with the collar.

I was ecstatic.

I asked where he had got it;

McCavity said from Adara.

I was surprised; Adara had seemed so proud of her collar.

I asked how he had got Adara to lend it.

McCavity said he killed;

I could hardly believe it.

McCavity killed a kitten, a tiny,harmless kitten, over a _collar._

A collar for me.

Then I thought of all the other things he must have killed countless cats to get;

All for me.

I left him then, ran off to the junkyard with my tail between my legs (no pun intended).

Little Adara haunts me now;

If I hadn't said I'd wanted that wretched collar...

It's my fault that Adara, and so many others, are dead;

The blood lies thickly on McCavity's paws but there are several spots on mine, too.

I've never told anyone about Adara or McCavity;

They'd hate me.

But no one could ever hate me more than I hate myself.

Guilt eats you from the inside out;

And, trust me, you never get used to it.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN- This one is Tugger's. Keep reviewing please.**

**-Demeterfan**

**The Rum Tum Tugger's thoughts**

I'm an icon.

All the Queens love me,

All the Toms want to be me,

I've broken so many hearts, but I get more fans every day;

And I hate it.

I'm not an individual being anymore,

Just a mane and a sparkly belt;

That's what the Queens chase after.

If I shaved off my mane, threw my belt away, what would I be?

Just some boring loser with no personality,

I get everything handed to me;

But, just once, I want to work for it.

I won't be young and hot forever;

I don't want to find myself old, my looks long gone, unable to do anything for ,myself and completely useless.

Demeter knows;

She knows this will happen one day.

I've seen the way she glares at me;

I'll bet she'll want a front seat to see it all unfold.

To be honest, I wouldn't blame her.

I used to chase her all the time;

I took it to heart that she was the only Queen who didn't swoon at the sight of my rear end;

I flirted relentlessly and annoyed Munkustrap no end.

But she could see through me as easily as a window pane.

Maybe I enjoyed it when I was younger;

I wanted to be an irresistible heartthrob then.

But not now,

I'm sick of it.

All my fans tell me I'm brilliant, fabulous, enthralling,

But I'm not.

They tell me that so I'll kiss their cheeks or hold their paws, not because they actually mean it.

The only things that are true are the bad things the older cats say about me:

"Tugger's a bad influence!"

"Tugger's obnoxious!"

"Tugger's too full of himself!"

Tugger's all of the above;

But he doesn't want to be.

I wish I could act like a real cat and not just a useless little doll;

But I can't.

Or, more accurately, I won't,

Because, on top of everything else, The Rum Tum Tugger is a coward.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN- This one is about Etcetera. I'm not really a big fan of this chapter either, but here it is. Please review.**

**-Demeterfan**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CATS, it belongs to T. and Andrew Lloyd Webber.**

**Etcetera's thoughts**

I try to act happy;

It gets really hard sometimes.

I force it so much I come out with this weird, high pitched scream.

That's sort-of become my trademark now;

Excitable little Etcetera squealing over Toms again,

Happy as Larry.

No one would ever guess what goes on in my head.

They think I was too young to remember;

Jenny said to Jelly that she thinks I've blocked it out.

I don't know how she expects me to do that;

Just take a rubber over my brain and go swish, swish, swish, until all the bad memories disappear?

I had a sister;

Yes, past tense.

She was called Talise.

She was a few months older than me but we were always together.

I remember it all so vividly;

Not that I want to.

I remember that bitter cold winter;

Talise had found a frozen lake.

She took me to it; I was honoured that she chose me.

We skated all morning, our claws digging little grooves in the ice.

I kept to the edge, near the bank;

Talise was much more daring,

And stupid.

She skidded off into the middle;

I could hear the thin ice creak.

Why didn't I shout out to her?

I stood glued to my spot, as if the ice had spread over my paws.

I watched helplessly as my sister fell through the ice, plunging into the freezing water below.

I waited for her head to pop up;

I waited in vain.

No one ever found her,

We never even found her body.

Munkustrap even waded into the icy water but he, too, came back empty handed.

No one ever swam in that lake again;

We never even drink from it.

Everyone seemed to forget about Talise;

On the outside, it probably looks like I've forgotten her, too.

But I think about her everyday.

They may think I can't remember;

They may think I was too young;

That's OK.

That way, they don't ask questions.

I don't want them to heal my wounds;

I don't want the scars to disappear;

The pain is the only reminder I've got that Talise ever existed.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN- Quaxo's turn. I've always had a soft spot for Quaxo so I tried not to let anything too terrible happen to him. Please R&R.**

**-Demeterfan**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CATS, it belongs to T. and Andrew Lloyd Webber.**

**Ouaxo's thoughts**

I am the Magical Mr Mistoffelees;

Is that a name or a label?

Does anyone really remember my real name?

Does anyone know the real me?

I never get asked to join in a conversation,

I never get asked to play a game,

I'm only ever forced into doing silly tricks.

Maybe this is how everyone is treated?

No, that's not true.

Victoria's a brilliant dancer but no one ever asks her to perform;

Munkustrap is great on guard duty but nobody wants to watch him do it.

So why is it different for me?

I want friends who like me because they think I'm a nice cat, not because I can make them disappear and levitate.

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't magic.

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret saving Old Deuteronomy at the Jellicle Ball, but I wish I'd done it secretly.

That way, I could keep my identity.

It's so strange;

Ever since I was a kitten I'd wanted people to feel comfortable around my magic.

My mother abandoned me as soon as she noticed I was different;

She thought I was a danger to the rest of her family.

She thought I'd be evil,

Like my father.

But I've seen what McCavity can do;

I certainly won't be following in daddy's footsteps.

In the junkyard, my magic is loved, not feared;

And I'm still not satisfied.

I just want a day where I can play around like a normal kitten.

One day isn't too much to ask is it?

Everyone knows way too much (in my opinion) about Mr Mistoffelees, but how much do they know about Quaxo?

Yes, I'm a real cat, behind the sparkles and magic.

I've never been accepted before,

I should be happy.

But I'm not really accepted because it isn't the real me.

So, stop your tricks for a while Mr Mistoffelees,

Bundle the seven kittens back in their hat;

Because I'm going to be Quaxo for a while,

Nice and normal;

Whether they like it or not.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN- This is Jemima's. This is probably the last one of these I'm gonna do unless someone asks me to do a certain cat because I've got another story on the way. So please review me.**

**-Demeterfan**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CATS, it belongs to T. and Andrew Lloyd Webber.**

**Jemima's thoughts**

Everybody wants things, don't they?

Humans want new cars and toys and phones;

Human children even go and tell a big fat man in red what they want, Everlasting knows why.

Cats want balls of yarn and pillows and mice.

But I'm different;

I want a father.

I've got a _mother_, Demeter.

But she doesn't know who my father is;

It's one of two:

Munkustrap or McCavity.

Munkustrap has acted like a father up until now;

He's done all the dad things: he's helped me with my singing; he's told me stories; he's given me treats.

He's been a fantastic dad.

So why am I not satisfied?

It's the possibility that McCavity might be my father;

Certainly, my colouring is more like his.

I would hate to have a criminal father;

McCavity has killed cats,

I don't want my dad to be a murderer...

Oh, I hate not knowing!

Why have I suddenly started caring?

I never used to;

When my mother first told me I'd been happy to call Munkustrap my father.

Why has that changed?

Even if McCavity is my father, Munkustrap is the one who has help raise me from kittenhood;

He'll always be my father, no matter what.

Even if McCavity's my father...

I can't be McCavity's daughter,

I'd hate that;

But I hate all this uncertainty more.

Mum will never talk about it;

Maybe she knows and is trying to spare my feelings?

Will I ever know?

Do I _want_ to know?

Of course I do;

Even if I don't like the answer?

This is ridiculous!

My father is Munkustrap;

Even if he isn't...


End file.
